I'm hopeful we will find something within our lifetimes (even if its simple life- which may give us a key to how to refine our methods and look for more advanced life later.)
Yes! Me too

. I mean, with TESS, the James Webb telescope and planned missions to Titan and Europa, I would be very much surprised if we don't discover something by 2050. NASA themselves stated that they hope to solve the Fermi Paradox with these types of missions by the 2030s. When that happens, it will be the most momentous event in scientific biological history.
I know lots of people have become jaded by our lack of progress in this field, but to them I say: we have never had space telescopes and the sophisticated instruments to go with them ever before. HUBBLE was the first - and it's discoveries were amazing. Then came Kepler and it's proof of the widespread presence of exoplanets. I call that progress, whether or not we can detect ET or not.
Something I find fascinating...
It depends what the species are like in psychological development and at what point they meet in their relative personal histories. They might even be related if one or the other's biological existence on their planet is due to
panspermian seeding (as might have been the case between Mars and Earth, or even Venus). Although the presence of two species developing intelligence on two separate planets in the same solar-system would be highly unlikely (remember the Great Filters), I could see it actually working out quite well unless one or both alien species were hyper-aggressive.
If one developed high technology first and visited the other, a 'Columbia meets the Indians' scenario would be unlikely. If the more advanced civilization IS still petty in that regard, they probably don't have enough technology to do very much, for the reasons we already went over. If one species DOES have the required technology to actually establish a meaningful presence on the other planet, and still maintains outdated ideas about subjugation, it is similarly unlikely that exterminating or enslaving their neighbors would serve much purpose beyond pure ideology.
Although I cannot speak for the ETI themselves of course, such despotic activities would be seen as an absurd waste of energy if AI make better servants and there are plenty of resources elsewhere. Whether or not the aliens follow such logical conclusions is up to debate - but a far more sinister course of action they could follow is to 'downshift' their neighbor's overall intelligence back to more manageable standards. If they want to hoard everything for themselves. No need to exterminate the savages, just push them into national parks (or upload them into simulations if you are REALLY advanced) and strip-mine their planet for your Dyson Shell

.
Seriously though, if the two species were roughly congruent in their development and had a gradual introduction (first ancient astronomers discover lights on the other planets, then radio is discovered and contact is made etc.) then a no doubt tense but overall cool political climate would form between them, much like our current international relations.
Or, the one species may uncover the ruins of the other species when they explore their neighbor's planet, a testament to their failure...
wouldn't many of their kind be self-programmed to be sterile while only the top level ones mate?
Yes. But those that can mate would still have thousands of young. As civilization developed and child (err, larva) mortality rates dropped, more young would survive, which means more breeding adults, which means more births etc etc. Even if the aliens in question were not hive-minded and just had insectoid-levels of fecundity, this would still pose a major problem.
In our societies we value individuality and freedom much more,
Often at our own peril!
they may have their whole lives laid out for them before they were ever born, without room for much variance.
Even without considering the neurological and psychological effects of growing up in this environment, I can think of quite a few
homo sapiens sapiens that would love to live like this

.