I never had a single girlfriend and I'm 21 years old, I probably never will if I don't change my behavior. I just wanted to share my stories to see if I have something wrong or its a perfectly normal situation.
The only "relationship" I can say I had is with a Japanese girl that I never neen in my whole life, but we was both 14 years old, we was young and we didn't know what we was doing. Now she's happy with a Japanese boy, but let's start from today and go backwards in time.
I have a friend who goes to the college and I like her a lot. We've met for the first time in august but I can't flirt with her. I'm very very afraid to loose her friendship so I never do the first step, in the meanwhile she probably though I don't like her so I'm sure she fell in love for another guy. Nevermind, she never reads my messages and I can't see her because she's too busy, but I'm sure she wouldn't like me anyway. Anyways, the reason why I couldn't flirt with her is probably because of previous stories.
The last time I've flirted with a girl it was a disaster, we started to see each other quite frequently after a few months of messaging and I was very happy. We have been friends for an half year (she had a boyfriend) but as soon as she broke up with him the problems has started to come up. I probably fell in love for her some time before she broke with her boyfriend, even if she was already thinking about doing it because things wasn't going well. That shouldn't have happened.
I started to feel more nervous everytime I was close to her and I was always afraid she wasn't "entertained" but rather getting bored when we was meeting. Things seemed to go well though, I was far away from her for a while because I was in holidays and, even if she was talking to me about a boy she liked but that probably didn't liked her back, or just wasn't sure she was the kind of girl he wanted, I thought I might have some microscopic chances. I wanted her to be happy so I've tried to repress my love for her, still I couldn't actually do it because I discovered she thought I was saying to her that I like her everyday. But this doesn't matter too much, the only thing that mattered to me was to tell it to her face-to-face to take this weight off, even if I already know it was very hard if not impossible, I just couldn't do it. We've seen one single time after my holidays and then everything screw up, she started to hate me and I couldn't get the friendship back. Why? I probably made her very sad because of my situation and my gelosy, increased by the fact that I "kept saying her that I like her" (that was not properly true) and she don't like me back. She hided this hate until she finally "exploded". I was very sad, I've cryied almost every night for something like a week.
I also flirted with a friend of the girl above, before falling in love for her I fell in love to this girl after I've texted her because she told me we was very similar. (English, huh!) We've messaged a bit and then I've met her in a table games store, I've observed at her a lot while she wasn't looking at me and I kind of liked the outlines of her face and the wonderful color of her eyes, even if she was very short and a little chubby (I'm not a big fan of chubby girls). Then we've met again something like a week later, me, her and the girl I've talked about in the previous paragraph. Then the other girl returned home and we remained together alone, in that moment something weird happened: we started cuddling. It was something very natural and so cute I still enjoy remembering it, but after that nothing happened. In the days after it was like nothing happened and we never met anymore even if I kept asking her. Months later, I discovered the reason why we didn't became a couple: she was already in love for another boy, I discovered it when he became her boyfriend, I was sad in the beginning but after a while it faded away because she was probably happier with him than she would with me so I was happy too.
Way before that, I've found a girl in a party. I've meet her at my friend's birthday and I probably fell in love for her right from the beginning. We didn't talk too much but I decided to text her to see each other, she didn't answered me until I've talked with her friend and she suggested her to accept. She told me she didn't answered because she didn't recognized me on Facebook, might actually be true. We've seen each other and it went quite well, even if we didn't do anything special but just chatted a bit, we also greeted with an hug and I was very happy because I though the road was the right one. Well... no. She mentioned to me that the next saturday there was an event in her city, that saturday I've called her and stuff but she didn't answered and she didn't answered to messages either, that nor the other days. I was very confused so I decided to go to her home to talk face-to-face and let me understand what was wrong with all that story, that was a giant mistake, she was very scared because of that and that was the end of our relationship, she told me she didn't like me and she didn't wanted to see me anymore. That thing killed my self esteem. She was 18 years old but never had a boyfriend, she was a very very nice looking girl, probably one of the most beautiful I've never seen, but she was very shy, I am shy too but at her eyes I looked the opposite and she probably wanted "the perfect boy, not just a random one", or maybe was in love for another guy. Still, she so beautiful I'd like to see her again just because of that or to become her friend, I'm sad it's so difficult even if now she does replies.
Well, it's over. I can't remember previous stories very well. I know I didn't flirted with a lot of girls but the problem is that I've failed with every of them, and I'm too shy to go around and talk to people I don't know, also I have (forgive me for this, it goes against rules but please do an exception) friends who only care about smoking weed, almost every friend that I've made in the last 10 years now is in drugs and one of the problems is that they've became very lazy. So I don't frequent discos (I can't go alone) anymore and social life in general, in rare cases in which we "do something" that is not going in a friend's house at playing FIFA, I just never make any new friend.
Thanks for reading, I've decided to write these stories in this forum because I'm very confident with you guys, even if it's the first time I open myself this way and it has nothing to do with astronomy. Do any of you have similar stories to share? I would be glad to hear them!
The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human ambition.
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