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Salvo
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15 Nov 2017 02:48

I never had a single girlfriend and I'm 21 years old, I probably never will if I don't change my behavior. I just wanted to share my stories to see if I have something wrong or its a perfectly normal situation.

The only "relationship" I can say I had is with a Japanese girl that I never neen in my whole life, but we was both 14 years old, we was young and we didn't know what we was doing. Now she's happy with a Japanese boy, but let's start from today and go backwards in time.

I have a friend who goes to the college and I like her a lot. We've met for the first time in august but I can't flirt with her. I'm very very afraid to loose her friendship so I never do the first step, in the meanwhile she probably though I don't like her so I'm sure she fell in love for another guy. Nevermind, she never reads my messages and I can't see her because she's too busy, but I'm sure she wouldn't like me anyway. Anyways, the reason why I couldn't flirt with her is probably because of previous stories.

The last time I've flirted with a girl it was a disaster, we started to see each other quite frequently after a few months of messaging and I was very happy. We have been friends for an half year (she had a boyfriend) but as soon as she broke up with him the problems has started to come up. I probably fell in love for her some time before she broke with her boyfriend, even if she was already thinking about doing it because things wasn't going well. That shouldn't have happened.
I started to feel more nervous everytime I was close to her and I was always afraid she wasn't "entertained" but rather getting bored when we was meeting. Things seemed to go well though, I was far away from her for a while because I was in holidays and, even if she was talking to me about a boy she liked but that probably didn't liked her back, or just wasn't sure she was the kind of girl he wanted, I thought I might have some microscopic chances. I wanted her to be happy so I've tried to repress my love for her, still I couldn't actually do it because I discovered she thought I was saying to her that I like her everyday. But this doesn't matter too much, the only thing that mattered to me was to tell it to her face-to-face to take this weight off, even if I already know it was very hard if not impossible, I just couldn't do it. We've seen one single time after my holidays and then everything screw up, she started to hate me and I couldn't get the friendship back. Why? I probably made her very sad because of my situation and my gelosy, increased by the fact that I "kept saying her that I like her" (that was not properly true) and she don't like me back. She hided this hate until she finally "exploded". I was very sad, I've cryied almost every night for something like a week.

I also flirted with a friend of the girl above, before falling in love for her I fell in love to this girl after I've texted her because she told me we was very similar. (English, huh!) We've messaged a bit and then I've met her in a table games store, I've observed at her a lot while she wasn't looking at me and I kind of liked the outlines of her face and the wonderful color of her eyes, even if she was very short and a little chubby (I'm not a big fan of chubby girls). Then we've met again something like a week later, me, her and the girl I've talked about in the previous paragraph. Then the other girl returned home and we remained together alone, in that moment something weird happened: we started cuddling. It was something very natural and so cute I still enjoy remembering it, but after that nothing happened. In the days after it was like nothing happened and we never met anymore even if I kept asking her. Months later, I discovered the reason why we didn't became a couple: she was already in love for another boy, I discovered it when he became her boyfriend, I was sad in the beginning but after a while it faded away because she was probably happier with him than she would with me so I was happy too.

Way before that, I've found a girl in a party. I've meet her at my friend's birthday and I probably fell in love for her right from the beginning. We didn't talk too much but I decided to text her to see each other, she didn't answered me until I've talked with her friend and she suggested her to accept. She told me she didn't answered because she didn't recognized me on Facebook, might actually be true. We've seen each other and it went quite well, even if we didn't do anything special but just chatted a bit, we also greeted with an hug and I was very happy because I though the road was the right one. Well... no. She mentioned to me that the next saturday there was an event in her city, that saturday I've called her and stuff but she didn't answered and she didn't answered to messages either, that nor the other days. I was very confused so I decided to go to her home to talk face-to-face and let me understand what was wrong with all that story, that was a giant mistake, she was very scared because of that and that was the end of our relationship, she told me she didn't like me and she didn't wanted to see me anymore. That thing killed my self esteem. She was 18 years old but never had a boyfriend, she was a very very nice looking girl, probably one of the most beautiful I've never seen, but she was very shy, I am shy too but at her eyes I looked the opposite and she probably wanted "the perfect boy, not just a random one", or maybe was in love for another guy. Still, she so beautiful I'd like to see her again just because of that or to become her friend, I'm sad it's so difficult even if now she does replies.

Well, it's over. I can't remember previous stories very well. I know I didn't flirted with a lot of girls but the problem is that I've failed with every of them, and I'm too shy to go around and talk to people I don't know, also I have (forgive me for this, it goes against rules but please do an exception) ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ friends who only care about smoking weed, almost every friend that I've made in the last 10 years now is in drugs and one of the problems is that they've became very lazy. So I don't frequent discos (I can't go alone) anymore and social life in general, in rare cases in which we "do something" that is not going in a friend's house at playing FIFA, I just never make any new friend.

Thanks for reading, I've decided to write these stories in this forum because I'm very confident with you guys, even if it's the first time I open myself this way and it has nothing to do with astronomy. Do any of you have similar stories to share? I would be glad to hear them!
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Gnargenox
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15 Nov 2017 11:05

Salvo,

Don't worry about it. I had many similar experiences when I was younger. I look back and think of so many lost opportunities when I was too shy to approach a female. Even the times I thought there would be no way she would want to speak to me. I think now that the things holding me back were in my own mind. It wasn't that "all the women in the world" didn't like me, it was because I never was myself around them. I would be too scared to just stop worrying about what they thought. The BEST times I had were when I didn't care what people thought, especially the girls that were "hot" to me.

Right now, in your life, your brain is heavily dosed with chemicals that make your emotions seem super important and the only real thing going on. You're on drugs Salvo, brain chemicals developed over time through evolution to FORCE your body into some physical contact with the chance you might accidentally make a baby. These chemicals will wear off eventually, and you won't have these "Pangs" of love. You'll be calmer, cooler, more collected, and you'll see the silliness of the desperation you felt years ago. That is not to say "love" isn't real, it is just that you'll see there are more things to a relationship other than just these waves of crazy emotions.

Friendship is one thing, but having a lover is really alot different. Not a single one of my girlfriends in the past started out as a friendship. They all started with a serious effort to get inside her pants. None let me in, but we "dated" as if we were serious lovers, introducing ourselves as B/F & G/F, but there wasn't any sex going on behind closed doors. I didn't actually have sex until I was long long long long out of college. It was a choice, but a choice that kinda bothered me. I can't tell you the number of times I was upset with myself and convinced I would always be alone. That I didn't have the skills to attract a woman to be serious with. All I can say is once I gave up, is when I was inundated with women wanting to know who I was, what I was like etc. I was once told I came across as very secretive about my private life, with her and everyone else. It wasn't that I was secretive, it was that I simply didn't care what people thought. That made me interesting to them. They were curious. They THOUGHT I was confident and that attracted them.

I guess the best advice I have is, try to ignore the drugs in your brain, stop caring what people, especially gurls think, and enjoy being you. Women will flock to your mesmerizing personality once you just relax and let loose. The truly important relationships are yet to be.

BTW I finally found a woman to call my own for the rest of my life. She is absolutely gorgeous! I mean SMOKING HOT! I never thought I would have such a sexy wife, plus she LOVES making wild freaky passionate love! She even listens to my music without complaining. She laughs at my dorky jokes. She lets me stay up ALL night playing Space Engine! I just can't believe how lucky I am. You'll be just as lucky Salvo, I'm sure of it!
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Salvo
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15 Nov 2017 23:43

Gnargenox wrote:
Right now, in your life, your brain is heavily dosed with chemicals that make your emotions seem super important and the only real thing going on. You're on drugs Salvo

Wait wait wait, no, I don't do drugs!  :lol:
I actually forgot to mention it, my bad. I mean... I've tried but just a few times in my life.

So you might be wondering why do I keep frequenting those friends. Well, because they became my friends many years before this situation, I have other friends but they live far away from me and I almost never see them or I see them just where I work. I considered many times to stop frequenting them but it's difficult.

Maybe my problem (together with the fact that I need to "meet" these girls before!) is probably that I consider "dating" too much similar to "friendship", like if it was a consequence or something that happens later, while in reality it is something quite different. Maybe girls need to know from the beginning that you're interested in them, I don't know.  :)

Anyway, thanks for your kind words!
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16 Nov 2017 02:57

I am also a 21 years old student. And virgin.

I've never had a relationship. There are multiple reasons for it. I haven't grown above 1.5 metres (4'11'') during elementary school and I am 165 centimeters (5'5'') tall today. I looked 14 years old at best until I began to grow moustache, beard and decided to keep long hair. I am also really shy, introverted and as a human being, reclusive. I am not implying that I have never liked a girl. I've had a lot of chances, but couldn't grow balls to express my feelings, at least not directly, eye to an eye. On the elementary, everytime I tried to get a girl like me, it ended up as a public embarrassment and ridicule. I couldn't even talk to anyone for weeks each time after I tried to impress a female. I have truly, deeply fallen in love only once. I even saw some sense in it, since she had the same hobbies - astronomy and science in general. But everytime I tried to get closer to her, she felt more distant. To make things worse, I could see her only for two weeks every year on a camp. I guess she did not find me attractive physically. We were just friends, but it was a long time ago.

Things were not much better for me at high school. At least I started to differ between real friends and just mere classmates there. These people could use alcohol as a tool to get a girl drunk, get themselves laid and they could not understand why I would not do the same, since they knew about my situation with ladies. What they considered normal, I saw as sexual abuse. I like parties, but acting like this would be over the line, I was not aiming at one night stands, I wanted a relationship back then as I want today.

I also find it nearly impossible to find any person who shares my worldview. For example, I don't want children, because I don't like how kids nowadays behave and I don't indent to bring a new life to this. A lot has changed in just 10 years for the young, who knows what will come during the next ten years. I also don't like humans as a species. We detonated an A-bomb 9 years before the first nuclear power plant (Obninsk) was put to good use. I choose to flush my genes down the toilet, rather than contribute to humanity. I am a misanthrope and always will be an outcast. Date such a guy ;)
Last edited by An'shur on 04 Jan 2018 03:06, edited 2 times in total.
 
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16 Nov 2017 04:51

Salvo wrote:
Source of the post Wait wait wait, no, I don't do drugs!

I'm pretty sure that by "drugs" he rightfully meant the "brain chemicals developed over time through evolution to FORCE your body into some physical contact with the chance you might accidentally make a baby".
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16 Nov 2017 07:26

An'shur wrote:
I also find it nearly impossible to find any person who shares my worldview. For example, I don't want children, because I don't like how kids nowadays behave and I don't indent to bring a new life to this.

Interesting story!

For me is the opposite. I know a lot of girls who doesn't want to have children while I do. I mean... I know children are very hard to educate, mostly today that the culture is completely different from the past. Still, I wish to make my son/daughter interested in science and physics just making them amazed looking at space and listening to me, without forcing them to do anything. My dad also did that with me and it worked pretty well, unfortunately his knowledge of physics is not very good also because he didn't have the instruments I had to learn. Basically I would take Scott Manley as source of inspiration, I like how he's growing up his children!

Mosfet wrote:
I'm pretty sure that by "drugs" he rightfully meant the "brain chemicals developed over time through evolution to FORCE your body into some physical contact with the chance you might accidentally make a baby".

Mmm... yeah, that is very likely.  :)
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16 Nov 2017 09:39

27, no intimate relationships. I think a lot of people are nervous to engage each other - it's risky, opening yourself up to someone, and riskier for women. Could be why the first girl you mentioned "hid her hate" and the party girl seemingly hoped the connection would fade out without her having to say anything. Honestly, I'd initially be pretty alarmed too if a guy I met at a party and chatted with a bit elsewhere showed up at my house. Still, that must've been rough. Sorry your friends are kinda self-absorbed, too. Is there an astronomy club or something near where you live? Even trying something you not sure you're interested in could help you meet people - I played petanque on a whim and it's nice to have people ask me how I'm doing.

It's a good idea to tell people from the start if you're developing or already have intense feelings for them, I think. And ask if they're open to a relationship. A risk, but ultimately saves a lot of stress.
 
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16 Nov 2017 11:57

beyondsight wrote:
Is there an astronomy club or something near where you live?

I don't know, but I've never considered joining one... I should definitely look for it, it's a good idea!
It would be nice to hear the opinion of some girls, and to hear their stories.  :)

This is not just a personal outburst after all, I mean... yeah, it was in the beginning, but with the goal of sharing ideas on human interactions in general. I'm happy there is some contribution! Of course the mood shouldn't become depressed or anything, rather calm like if we was all together with an hot cup of choccolate/tea.  8-)
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16 Nov 2017 21:35

Salvo wrote:
Source of the post  but we was both 14 years old, we was young and we didn't know what we was doing.
"we" is plural,so "we was" is wrong.You should use "were" instead of "was".
  Well,I too had crush on some girls during my teenage.But I loved a girl somewhat seriously.She was my classmate and we were good friends.We were similar in many things.That made us become more close to each other.Gradually,I fell in love with her.She is really cute and good in character.But I was nervous to confess my feelings to her.I was fear of losing our friendship.She was actually studious.Finally,I confessed.But she refused my proposal saying she don't like such relationships.She never imagined me like that way,just a good friend.After that,she kept a distance from me.I was really broken.I still couldn't forget her completely.I tried to flirt with other girls just to forget her but in vain.Now,she is a working woman.I don't know about her current relationship status.I am still single waiting for my soulmate.  

 
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16 Nov 2017 23:18

William65 wrote:
"we" is plural,so "we was" is wrong.You should use "were" instead of "was".

Woops!

William65 wrote:
Well,I too had crush on some girls during my teenage.But I loved a girl somewhat seriously.She was my classmate and we were good friends.We were similar in many things.That made us become more close to each other.Gradually,I fell in love with her.She is really cute and good in character.But I was nervous to confess my feelings to her.I was fear of losing our friendship.She was actually studious.Finally,I confessed.But she refused my proposal saying she don't like such relationships.She never imagined me like that way,just a good friend.After that,she kept a distance from me.I was really broken.I still couldn't forget her completely.I tried to flirt with other girls just to forget her but in vain.Now,she is a working woman.I don't know about her current relationship status.I am still single waiting for my soulmate.

This is very sad, but maybe it wasn't the perfect girl for you. People change with time, I know a few friends that found their soulmate in class at school, but indeed most of the people change a lot during teenage and after a while they broke up because they don't find anything in common anymore, even if it was the opposite when they was younger. :)
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29 Nov 2017 21:37

I'm a little late, and I don't have much experience in this particular field, but I thought I might as well put my two cents in.

I've always had a lot of difficulty making friends. I know this situation is quite different from what you are speaking of, but it feels terrible sometimes. Whenever I go to school, and I see all my classmates navigating every single social hurdle they face with such incredible ease, I'm hit by loneliness. I couldn't imagine maintaining friendships, much less romantic relationships. I mostly try to distract myself from it - I dive into my studies and avoid social events. It may not be the most effective solution, but it works to dull the edge a bit. I understand what you are going through is much different, but I think we can all relate to the pangs of loneliness. I don't have much in the way of advice, but I really hope things improve for you!
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30 Nov 2017 18:14

I've been single all my life at 33. It sucks, but having to leave the house sucks even more. Not much I can do about it.
Last edited by PlutonianEmpire on 30 Nov 2017 18:53, edited 1 time in total.
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30 Nov 2017 18:41

We have some rules against these discussions on the forum and I have been debating with myself on whether or not this thread should be closed/deleted.  I personally don't care, but this is a subject that isn't quite family friendly or welcoming of users of all ages and that is what we want this community to be.

I will wait on other users views on this before taking any action.
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30 Nov 2017 19:07

In this case, love and relationships might be ok, but certainly not human sexuality or virginity.

Also, unrelated to this thread per se, I'd rather include political discussion of sexuality in the latter category as well, mainly because the site's host country, Russia, has strict views, and Id rather not have SpaceEngine.org get into trouble for its forumers talking about who likes who behind closed doors, since its not quite family friendly either. ;)
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11 Apr 2018 11:31

I was friends with the girl for 6 years, and then she agreed to become my wife. The main thing is to be yourself and then everything else is trivial. Respect and value yourself, be braver!

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